She knew it was the right choice to notcompletely infantilize the little girl. 'Changes are coming though,' shethought to herself with a wide smile.At the checkout desk the lady working behind the desk asked. "Oh, so isthis the little baby who thought she could wear big girl pants already?"She bounced the upset little up and down and said, "Well she tried atleast. Now we know that diapees are the only thing she's meant to wear,huh?" she looked down at Holly and squeezed her, hoping she'd understandshe wasn't completely making fun of her. The tears trailing down her facedidn't show that understanding being present though. She sighed andhanded her library card to the lady and soon had their books checked outand headed to the car.Buckling Holly in she kissed her on the head. "It'll be okay," shepromised her.WHEN WE HAD been on the road for a couple of minutes, I tried spittingthe pacifier out again but couldn't. It was like it had inflated andwouldn't leave my mouth. I tried pulling it. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live.
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